She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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