I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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