There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
