im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
