I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
