The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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