but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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