i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
