where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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