I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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