what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
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first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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