just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
