I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
