that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
