thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
