And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
