Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
