Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
