His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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