K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize