my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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