Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
