Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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