They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
