It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
