I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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