i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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