Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
