ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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