Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
