Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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