I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
