Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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