What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
