I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
