we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
