how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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