be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
