i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Enjoy the penises
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
