That's intense
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
