i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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