spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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