Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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