Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
