thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
