I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
