U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
