we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
