When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
