I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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