All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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