At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
