Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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