when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
