Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
