He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
