the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize