i need an iv and a liver transplant
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
