we have officially lost it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
