I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
