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• (904): View more from Florida

  I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...

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• (980): View more from North Carolina

  i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed

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• (716): View more from New York

  I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I would ride that face into the sunset

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Just don't do anything stupid

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  i did a stupid sorry

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• (714): View more from California

  he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy

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