How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
