You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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