...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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