I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
