So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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