Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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