You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
