It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
