The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
