thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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