Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
