When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
