I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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