Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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