THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
