I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
