everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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