I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
