see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
